My “Why God??” moments
Sometimes in life things happen that don’t make sense. Sometime in life things happen and you can’t figure out how it will possibly bring about good for the kingdom. Sometimes in life things happen and you don’t want them to.
I just went through a few weeks where quite a bit didn’t make sense. Things happened that I didn’t want to happen.
It began over Labor Day weekend. I was up in Breckenridge and decided to take advantage of a truly spectacular day. I packed up my backpack with a great book, “Forgotten God” by Francis Chan, a bottle of water, a banana, my ipod and my two dogs. I was going to hike and spend the day talking to God.
I wish I had a picture to show you of how totally breathtaking the view was. I was driving up this big mountain. I was driving high above the town of Breckenridge. It felt like I was leaving the world behind. A great song, called “Learning to Fly” by Tim Davis was cranked up loud on the car stereo. The words of the song struck me. Here’s a few of the lines:
“I’m over conforming to the worldly norm.
I’m learning to fly.
By your grace I’m gaining altitude, climbing to the highest point of views of you,
Soaring through the skies of gratitude, high above the dried up desert life of mine.
I’m learning how to fly.
Show me how ugly my ground use to be.
Come teach me to fly.”
The day was off to a great start and I could really feel God’s presence. I loaded the dogs out of the car and off we went. I had a playlist with all my favorite Christian songs so I turned on the tunes and set off. We had hiked about 5 miles and I was looking for a place to sit down to read and continue talking to God. It was such an awesome morning and I kid you not I had just said to God, “I think I am the happiest person in the world right now”
Well, I noticed I couldn’t see one of my dogs. What I saw next was crazy, my dog MoJo’s face was covered with porcupine quills I’m talking so covered I thought he was carrying something. They were covering his tongue, down his throat, in his nostrils – so freaky looking. (you can check out the pictures on my facebook)
After my initial shock we started running down the mountain. I was so thrilled to see a car, I flagged them down and they were so nice to drive me and my two dogs to my car. I jumped in the car and started my drive to the vet. While driving I asked God, “What is this all about???” “Why!!!”, “I had plans to spend the day with you – it was all so perfect”
The answer I got is, “I am with you” Could there have been something dangerous around the next bend? Could Satin have jumped in to pull me away from God? I don’t know. But the fact still is, God was with me every moment on that mountain.
Two days later, I had just driven back home after the weekend in Breckenridge with my family. It was my son’s birthday and we had left his untouched cake in Breckenridge. So although it was late at night I said to him, “Let’s run to the store and get you another cake”. As I pulled out of my driveway I crashed into my daughter’s friends car that I forgot was there.
My thoughts were, “seriously God what’s this?? You know I am trying to save my money to get Faithful Workouts back on TV why do I have to not only pay for MoJo’s porcupine surgery but now the cost of car repairs too?” God’s answer was, “I am with you”
Two days later I was going to the Dr. with my mom to get the big thumbs up that her back surgery went great and she can hop on the plane in two days and fly home to FL. Instead, after he looked at the new xrasy, we were told the surgery didn’t hold and she will need another surgery. My thoughts were, “God, you know how much I prayed for your direction with my mom, you know how much I have been praying for heeling. Why is this happening?” His answer again, “I am with you”
A few days later I was looking for my dog Micah. I couldn’t find him. My husband and son had taken him down to our creek a few hours earlier and said he was acting a bit strange but they hadn’t seen him. It was dark out so we put on some headlamps and went looking for him. My son and I drove, while my other son and my husband went on foot. We couldn’t find him anywhere.
I went to bed that night with such a heavy heart. He had an odd little cough but it didn’t seem like much. Other than that he was healthy, he had just turned 7 the Monday before. When I closed my eyes that night they were filled with tears, fearing the worst.
When the sun was almost coming up the next morning my husband and I set off looking for him. I heard my husband cry out in a voice that said so much, “I found him” I ran toward him and my heart broke. There was Micah, only a few feet from where my husband was with him the evening before. He was so peaceful looking yet he was dead. I said, “God why??? He was such a good dog, I loved him so much, why did he have to die?” “I am with you” was God’s reply.
We all have had or will have seasons in our life where we are thrown one challenge after another. We have to hold on to the fact that through it all God is with us. We don’t have to understand it and we don’t have to like it. The only way to get through times like that is to know that God is with you. Nothing that happened to me during those two weeks surprised God. He was with me and offered me peace that goes beyond all understanding.
Someone emailed me the words to the song, “Praise you in the Storm”. Here are some of the lyrics.
I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
And I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
No matter what you are going through, God is with you. He feels every tear you’ve cried and He’s never left your side. God loves you.
You have a choice to make when things go bad. Are you going to draw closer to God so he can hug you or are you going to give Satin that opening he was waiting for? Satin wants to jump in and say, “God doesn’t love you, if he cared about you why would you have to go through all this?”
I am so thankful that God drew me towards Him during all of this and that He gave me the strength to say, “Satin don’t even think about it, you cannot pull me away from God!”